On thursday night I went out for an exquisite dinner at my friend and chefs Crispins place. I never normally answer or even take my phone out but on this evening I chose to not only take it but also to pick up ..I found it odd that someone should call me after nine pm so I answered it to hear the devastating news that someone I had been very close to had taken their own life only an hour before. I felt so saddened by the news which is still haunting me and was only reflecting a few days prior how much this person had contributed to my settling here in Los Angeles.
I had been given her phone number by a mutual friend in London in 2006 and during my first few bleak weeks of living in a new country I had called her and although our conversation was somewhat bizarre it was comforting to hear a British voice . We met by accident about a month later and became instant friends. She asked me to help her with a specific problem of hers of which I had a bit of experience and it was the beginning of a pretty intense friendship..she was intelligent ,open and lovable and was often gloriously irreverent ...she was a real individual and truely English in her eccentricity...she was also never far away from intense mental and spiritual pain.
For about 7 months we would speak up to 4 times daily and the distraction of her troubles would take me away from the loneliness and despair I felt about leaving England..She was a blessing to me..After about a year we started drifting in different directions and following seperate pathes and I knew I could no longer help her.In the last year I saw hardly anything of her...but the question still comes into my head ..I wonder if there is anything I could have done to prevent such an out come?The answer is no..sometimes the pain people suffer is just too much..I hope she is now at peace.
Fragments of an idea
5 weeks ago