I have been a single parent for 10 days which went suprisingly smoothly and without "incident" but am am ready for Philips return and happy at the prospect. I am now so used to spinning plates- here are the things I have been multitasking..finishing off paintings, shipping paintings ( now on 1st name terms with my shipper-Dean) sending off invitations and catalogues, retrieving missing addresses..cooking , shopping ,washing clothes ,telling stories, doing homework, taxying services- for children,paying bills organising summer camps etc etc the list goes on- luckily I was given a 3 wheely chairs by my neighbour cos it means with 1 shove of the foot I wheel myself from the computer area to the cooking area to the painting area. Then I go to bed and read my book only to waken in the middle of the night thinking of all I have to do and all that can go wrong.
having shipped adn fed-exed and obsessed and worried about my luxury items and spiralled into a self absorbed vortex of "how difficult it is for me" I allowed myself the luxury of a film and I chose the 11th hour - Leonardo De Caprios film which was a very sobering and unpalletable watch infact it made me squirm and feel a sense of powerless about the world and what we are doing to it in regards to global warming and pollution.He described the problem as spiritual and cultural- that we have grown so away from nature that we believe we are not a species not part of nature infact above it and that by robbing the planet of its natural resourses we are infact self destructing as a species. The Earth will regenerate but we may not. He said that we work and we consume and do little else apart from keeping up with the Jones and getting that must have car or outfit.We are bombarded by Brands and Logos and advertising which makes us feel bad if we dont have this" stuff"He also says that while the money making corporations running the country are the authority it will be hard to make the shift needed to arrest global warming.We can do something about about what we buy - is it locally made or grown?-did it come from a sweat shop in China?He says the answer is to become aware of the problem..Living here in America which is the worst offender re global warning I am aware of how unaware everyone is compared to Europe. The other thing I have noticed is that its easier to be green if you have money- I would love to buy a hybrid car but cannot afford to. I will however invest in a $400 bicycle.
I waved Philip off on the plane today..he is going back for 10 days to see Lena his Mum and attend his friend Johns wedding, he will also go to London for a few days. He like me is scared and excited -its been over 2 years. I finally got my paintings shipped-after weeks of indecision and hysteria not helped by getting a nasty bout of flu. Origionally I had sought the cheap quick option for shipping but when the secretary told me the paintings might get damaged on the way to the warehouse having not even reache d a ship-big alarm bells began to ring. After speaking to a few sensible people who reminded me that this was 2 years work and did i really want to play damage roulette not to say 'where will they end up" roulette I changed my mind and decided to go to the local specialists in packing . The whole thing has been a real palava - shipping , organising the catalogue all 5000 miles away from the actual gallery and has reaked havoc on my mental health but the end is in sight.
I am always amazed that people read this blog and am horribly flattered if i meet someone and they make a reference to it. The fact that people dedicate their precious time to reading my rantings makes me feel very honored. P says that I have an "honesty compulsion" that can cause concern or offense so I should practice "restraint of tongue and pen" not always easy. I had the ultimate compliment this week when an unknown blog reader compared me with my hero -Larry David.. The great one,,you can not imagine how Larry kept my spirits going for the first very lonely months here in LA while I was adjusting and homesick. First I would watch "curb your enthusiasm" every night in my jet lagged state and this would make me forget my misery for 45 minutes of the day, secondly I had a fantasy about bumping into Larry and us becoming friends which gave meaning to my being in Los Angeles. This did not seem unlikely as within my first couple of months here , living in West Hollywood I had spotted many actors loitering in supermarkets, I had even managed to strike up a conversation with John Malkovitch in our favorite bookshop, Chevaliers in Larchement. After about a year I had given up all hope of meeting Larry and had nearly forgotten him when...oh the horror of it.. our friend Ian came to stay from London and he had done the whole tourist thing here , the Chateau Marmonte and venice beach but imagine my shock when he reported that he had seen Larry David on Venice beach filming Curb your enthusiasm..I was gripped by a horrific flood of envy and wanted to throttle poor sweet Ian (who was also taking us out to dinner at the Beverly Hills Hotel I might add) when he bombed me with this information. I am happy to report that today I have "right -sized" larry in my mind and that I have found "meaning" in being in "SO-CAL' other than him.